Living in the Extremes: ADHD, Hyperfocus, and Inattention

If you live with ADHD (or love someone who does), you already know that attention isn’t exactly “deficient.” It’s more like a toddler hopped up on cotton candy at a carnival: careening between rides, sticky with excitement, and occasionally sitting down for two hours to carefully sort Skittles by color.

That’s the ADHD paradox: we can’t seem to pay attention when we need to, and we can’t stop paying attention when we shouldn’t.

The Inattention Side: “Where Did My Keys (and My Brain) Go?”

This is the side of ADHD everyone thinks they understand. You sit down to pay bills, and suddenly you’re deep in a Wikipedia rabbit hole about medieval plumbing systems. Or you open your email to send one simple reply, and thirty minutes later you’re cleaning your refrigerator because “the milk looked judgmental.”

Inattention looks like:

• Walking into a room and forgetting why you’re there.

• Reading the same sentence five times and still having no idea what it says.

• Staring blankly at your to-do list as though it’s written in an alien dialect.

It’s frustrating, and sometimes shame-inducing, because it can make even small tasks feel like climbing Everest in flip-flops.

The Hyperfocus Side: “I Blinked and It’s 3 a.m.”

Then there’s the other side of the coin: hyperfocus. The magical, slightly terrifying state where your ADHD brain locks onto something so tightly the rest of the world might as well not exist.

Hyperfocus looks like:

• Writing a 12-page essay in one sitting without eating, drinking, or moving.

• Spending six hours rearranging your bookshelf by genre, color, and emotional vibe.

• Suddenly knowing everything about 18th-century whaling practices because one TikTok sparked an obsession.

Hyperfocus can feel like a superpower. It’s flow state on steroids. But it can also mean forgetting to sleep, eat, or notice that the cat has been plotting against you for hours.

The Whiplash Between Them

The real kicker? You often don’t get to choose which mode you’re in. Need to write a report for work? Good luck. Your brain has decided today is the day you must learn everything about sourdough starters. Trying to relax and watch TV? Sorry, your brain is still looping that awkward text you sent in 2012.

It’s like having two attention settings: “off” and “obsessive.” There’s no volume knob, just a light switch with a mind of its own.

Making Peace with the Dichotomy

Living with ADHD means learning how to work with both extremes. Some ideas:

• Externalize your memory: Use alarms, sticky notes, and reminders like it’s your job. (Because honestly, it is your job.)

• Ride the hyperfocus wave wisely: If you’re deep in the zone, set a timer to check in with your body. Have you eaten? Moved? Blinked?

• Build in transitions: Going from hyperfocus to reality is like being yanked out of a dream. Give yourself a few minutes to land instead of expecting instant productivity.

• Self-compassion is key: Neither extreme means you’re lazy or broken. It’s just how your brain is wired.

• 
  

The ADHD brain isn’t inconsistent—it’s consistently intense. Sometimes that intensity looks like distraction, sometimes like laser focus, and often like both in the same day. Learning to laugh at the absurdity while building supportive systems can make the ride smoother.

Because at the end of the day, you’re not failing at attention—you’re just attending differently. And that difference, while challenging, also makes for creativity, resilience, and some pretty entertaining stories along the way.

Want more ADHD-friendly insights, metaphors, and coping tools? Subscribe to my blog, or if you’re in California, book a therapy session.