Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)“Why Did That Email Ruin My Day?” — ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

If you’ve ever spiraled for hours because someone replied to your text message with “Sure” instead of “Sure!! 😊,” you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken. You might just have experienced one of the ADHDers nemeses…Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

What is RSD, and Why Does It Hit So Hard?

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional reaction to real or perceived criticism or rejection. People with ADHD often feel things more deeply than neurotypical folks. That’s because the ADHD brain has a unique relationship with emotional regulation—it’s like having your feelings amplifier stuck on max volume.

For us, a neutral comment can feel like a personal attack. A lack of response might feel like abandonment. And when someone does offer critique? Cue the instant shame spiral and the urge to quit everything and become a forest witch.

Why does this happen? Blame it on brain wiring. The ADHD brain often has lower levels of dopamine and challenges in the frontal lobe (the part responsible for regulating emotions, among other things). That makes it harder to hit the emotional “brakes” when something triggers us—and RSD is like flooring the gas pedal on feelings.

My Personal RSD Moment

Let me tell you about the time I was certain my colleague was fuming at me based off of a two-letter word.

I’d sent a long, thoughtful email to a colleague about a project I was excited to collaborate on. Her reply? Just……..“Ok.”

No “Thanks!” No “Sounds great!” Just “Ok.” Cue rumination and downwards thought spiral. Was she mad at me? Was she secretly fuming? Did she hate the idea? Did she hate me?? Aaahhhhggg!!!! A wave of intense emotions hit me all at once.

I spent the next three hours pacing around my house like a caffeinated raccoon, rehearsing apology emails and having made up conversations, with myself, talking out both sides of this imaginary conflict. Spoiler alert: She wasn’t mad. She was just busy. Later that day she replied with “This is awesome! I was juggling a million things earlier—so excited to work on this with you!”

Classic RSD moment: catastrophizing a two-letter word.

Over time, I became better at recognizing the sudden and intense waves of shame, sadness, anxiety, or anger that come with RSD. Realizing that these emotional reactions were often out of proportion to the actual event was a powerful first step. As I deepened my understanding of ADHD—both through lived experience and clinical work—I began to build a toolkit of strategies to help me navigate the emotional intensity and pain that RSD can trigger.

How to Cope with RSD Without Quitting Your Job, Relationship, or Life

Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful, both personally and professionally:

1. Name It to Tame It

Just knowing about RSD helps. When you feel a wave of shame, pause and say, “Oh hey, that’s RSD talking.” This creates some distance between you and the feeling—it’s happening to you, not because of you. By understanding that RSD is a known phenomenon and labeling your feelings as RSD, you can help to reduce self-blame.

2. Reality Check Your Reactions

Ask yourself: “What’s the evidence this person is mad at me?” or “Have they done something like this before and it turned out okay?” Reach out to a trusted friend for perspective if you're stuck in the spiral. Often, what feels like rejection may be a neutral comment or a small oversight by someone else.

3. Self-Compassion and Affirmations

Counter negative self-talk by practicing compassion toward yourself. Use gentle reminders: “I am allowed to feel hurt, but this does not define my worth,” or “This feeling will pass, and I am still capable and valued.” Self-compassion actually helps your brain regulate and move forward.

4. Mindfulness and Grounding

Try grounding techniques (like naming five things you see), breath work, body scans, going for a walk, or focus on a neutral object in the environment. Grounding techniques help calm the nervous system, making it easier to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Even texting a trusted friend “RSD spiral in progress, please send dog memes” can help.

5. Building Resilience and Support

Working with a therapist familiar with RSD (often one knowledgeable about ADHD or related conditions) can help you develop personalized coping strategies. Engaging in ADHD support groups and talking to others who understand RSD firsthand can normalize your experience and provide coping tips.

Living with ADHD and RSD isn’t always easy. But with self-awareness and a few good coping strategies you can learn to ride the waves of rejection sensitivity instead of being swept away by them.

So next time you’re spiraling over a text that just says “k,” remember: it’s not you—it’s just your beautifully intense, ADHD brain trying to protect you. Breathe, laugh, reality-check, and maybe, just maybe…don’t quit everything and become a forest witch just yet.